Monday, May 4, 2009

As I sit in the library.


I looked around, bewildered.


That's my name, but how does she know it? Glancing at my sweater, shoes, wallet, then the cashier lady--HOW DOES SHE KNOW MY NAME?! An odd feeling of panic was taking over me. Is there another Christina? Who is she talking to?


I blinked a few times, yep, she is saying my name. She IS in fact looking straight at me.

"That is my name, yes," I stammered out. She probably thinks I am on drugs now. That I am psychotic, or something.

"...for the tall mocha, do you want an extra shot on the house?"

"Oh, yeah, thanks."

I suddenly felt very embarrassed. It was like I was on a cloud of sickness. Nothing made sense; everything was different. I finished my transaction with the cashier and went to the counter to retrieve my beverage.

"I'm so sorry I ignored you and gave you a weird bewildered look like you were a creepy stalker. I didn' t mean to make you feel stupid and second guess yourself. I'm sorry. I, um... have been really sick today."

She smiled and said it was ok. She said something else but I was back on my cloud again and I turned to walk away. My environment faded away again, strangeness was all around.

Today has been nothing but...strange.

This morning was fine:

  • I missed my first class because I woke up late and had to take a shower. It was day three. No avoiding it.
  • I went to the library and had enjoyable conversation with Chelsey and another friend.
  • I was making zombie noises. I was feeling normal (for me). I was feeling happy, and fine and content.

...But then, it went downhill.

  • I was sweating profusely in my math class. I think it's because I was overly worried that my teacher hates me because I miss her class so often. I almost left because I was so uncomfortable, my skin was burning more than it ever has.
  • I fell asleep in my history class, and Jlee tapped me to ask if I was taking notes and I almost screamed because I was so startled.

Right now I am feeling extremely out of body.

I am feeling very weird.

1 comment:

  1. now that I have comment privilege, I am uncertain of what to write. so this is what I am writing... till i can collect my thoughts and come up with something better.