Monday, October 5, 2009

help me! I'm shriiiiiiiiiiiiinking!
-and that's no good.

Did you know, that about 40% of those with Anorexia are between the ages of 15 and 19? And that it's becoming more prevalent for those that are older than those numbers as well? It's unsettling to see how much of our current youth population is concerned with weight, but then at the same time I'm can they not be?

I always just think about media influences- tv, radio, magazines, billboards and anything/everything else that has a face on it. What do they talk about quite often? How big they are. What do they look like? Super skinny. Moms, Aunts, Grandmas, teachers even, talk about going on diets. I mean, some of these women probably should be on a better diet, but then what is a little girl supposed to think when their mom, who is perfect beyond perfect in their eyes, is trying to change herself? Trying to slim down?

I will admit that weight has been on my mind since last summer. Like, '08 summer. When I was the biggest I had been. ever. When I actually had to buy bigger pants because I was hanging out too much in the ones I had. I know that I was not happy about it and I paraded around and just told people "it's not the number, it's how you feel about yourself." I felt like crap. I mean, I liked myself, but I wasn't happy with my number. By any means. And that's really shallow, I know, superficial. But it got to me. So then I started not eating as much, binging when I was REALLY hungry in the middle of the night, and then not eating a lot again. Food really loses its yumminess when all you can think about is the amount of calories you're consuming. It's like, a lot of stuff just will never be worth the calories. Except for Starbuck's Tall Iced Soy Caramel Macchiato. That will always be fine.

Other than that, I will admit that I haven't been eating as well as I should be. I eat more than some of my friends, but some (a lot) of my friends are half my size. Anyways, it's bad, but I feel better about myself when I wake up and look in the mirror. You see that bone that becomes more defined as you become more skinny. Basically, more starved. My shirts started to wear differently, like better differently. And my pants, too. But you know what also disappears as you start to become skinnier? Your boobs. And if you're like me, and have been working SO hard to get what little boobage you DO have, this isn't good.

With that being said...
I'm not anorexic by any means, I'm not super skinny by any means BUT
I'm gonna start eating better: like three good meals.
I'm not going to let my stomach gargle anymore.
I'm going to start being more health conscious, but in a more healthy way.


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