Wednesday, September 2, 2009

close your eyes, open them.
Run down the hall; walk by the pool.
Read a book, but not in the dark.
Buy coffee, drink water, wash your hands.

Day in, day out.
Let it come and let it go.

A relatively unimportant day, yet it left such an imprint on me. I bought some "basic" clothing, a cd, books (recreational ones), coffee and chatted to friends as well as ran (literally ran) away from others. Sometimes I don't make sense. Like, how I can have such an attraction to someone I've only met select times and now lives on the other side of the states, and don't have a care in the world for those that are here and wanting to talk to me. Not that the other one doesn't want to talk to me. It's more of, well, I actually don't know.

When I want something I really want it. Sometimes I try to want things or feelings because I feel pressured by others who look at me like I'm a freak for not really wanting them (the feelings and things). I don't get pressured easily, it has to really build on me, and I don't like it when I give in to pressure. It leaves me with a genuinely disgusting feeling. Like the feeling of kissing someone that you don't like. It doesn't feel good, I don't know why people do it.

At the bookstore that I ended up at tonight, I delved into a book about inner conflicts. A lady was talking about how she was raised in the 50's which was more conservative and then had her growing up experience during the 60's. She felt twisted during the 60's. The feeling of what to do, what to be, or believe in- be conservative, get married and live your life quaint or go out and fuck everyone and live life day to day, night to night. I sort of have the same inner conflict.

Now I'm getting ready for another day of school tomorrow.
Good night my friends,

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