Responsibility.

Just over a year ago I was blessed with my new best friend named Zayda. He has four legs with four fluffy paws, a bushy tail, cute beady eyes and a tongue that graces your hand or face right when you need it. He needed a home and I swooped in and gave him one. Yet however much I may have helped him, I feel selfish that I didn't give him a home that could have kept him for the rest of his life. He's almost three and already has at least three different places to rest his little sweet head. It makes me really unbearably sad to think about that fact.

Now I have to face reality. And that reality is that it would be selfish for me to keep him any longer. My home is my mother's home at the moment, and soon my home is the road of the unknown. This leaves little to no room for Zayda. I won't say I have not had many nights dreaming of taking him with me but then I come back to reality. I remember that my little best friend gets tired after walking a mile and prefers playing with toys that squeak rather than chasing after sticks in the woods. He would probably die instantly if he saw a bear. Not quite the kind of dog that you can take out on a rural adventure. I also make myself remember that I won't have a home after I leave my mom's house at the end of this month and that he, my little best friend, deserves a home.

That's why responsibility is such a hard thing, especially when it comes to those you love. I am responsible for thinking of what may be better for him, his life. And as hard as it is to face, and as much time as I spend trying not to face it, his life would be a lot better with a family that can shower him in constant love and in one stable house. His life would be more fulfilling to grow up with some little kids, or to keep an older person youthful with his puppy like ways. It brings me to tears, makes my lips tremble and my heart hurt, but it's true that Zayda deserves better. Better is what I aim to give him and will give him because I love him so much.

In the past year Zayda taught me what it's like to use your last twenty dollars on dog food instead of that cd you've been dying to buy for the past month. He showed me how it feels to be so protective you drill whoever is thinking about taking him out to the park three times and then make them repeat everything you told them back to you to be sure they were listening. We gave each other trust and love and many nights spent on the couch watching Gilmore Girls. Together we have gone on walks, been to the dog park, had field trip shopping expeditions and been flat out lazy lounging around the house all day. And now I want to give him the real home that he really is deserving of. And I want to give that to him because I love him more than I thought possible for me to love anything right now.

These next few days are going to be the hardest for me. Then the next few months. It was hard for me to leave him this past summer. I missed him constantly, cried occasionally, and was always gushing to my co-workers about what a great dog he is and showing them all the pictures and videos I had on my laptop and phone. Me and Zayda will always have our bond and that's really what I need to think about. He's not dead, he's just getting ready to start making memories with someone new. That's why I'm excited for him. I hope that the home I find or turn him over to gives him everything and more, because that is what he needs, and deserves.

Responsibility.