some may call it puppy love...

All right, then, I'll go to hell.
-Mark Twain

 

He's nice. He's cuddly. He gives me puppy kisses. 

And he loves meeeeeee

He may not be the brightest puppy, but he's my puppy. 

:)

Yesterday I attempted to make a sandwich. I was inspired by the ever "ahhh" inducing sights and smells of a turkey melt. Like the ones commonly pictured in your local sandwich shop, or restaurant.

You would think that creating a melt would be a simple business. Take some toast, cheese (to melt and create 'the melt') and some turkey and voila! but no. Sadly, making a melt is not so easy...at least for me.

I began my night in the kitchen with the idea of having a sandwich when THE MELT popped into my head. I thought about what I thought a melt consisted of...bread, cheese, a deli meat. Sounded easy enough. I knew that I needed my bread to be toasty and my cheese to be melted. And I felt especially optimistic and also wanted my turkey meat to be slightly seared for that toasty taste I thought I would like so much.

Bread to be toasty? I put a small pan onto the oven's burner. I wanted my toast to be toasty but not toasted. I buttered one side and tossed the slice of bread onto the pan. It's something I had either watched on tv or saw my mom do...I wasn't quite sure but it felt right. So I tried. As my piece of buttered bread lay on that pan, and my mind perculated with the images of perfectly toasty bread, I applied some slices of orange and white cheese. I then peeled some slices of turkey apart to lay on top of that. It was as I was laying those turkey slices down that I realized my bread was smoking! Remembering that I wanted my turkey slices seared and slightly crunchy, and still being amazingly optimistic somehow, I flipped my piece of burnt bread over and attempted to crunchify the turkey.

Well, my story thickens. The turkey didn't get crunchy as fast as the cheese started to melt. I abandoned the idea of crunchy turkey, flipped my burnt gooeying sandwich over, put the new fresh and unburnt 'other side' piece of buttered bread onto the sandwich and reflipped again. You know the saying that goes along the lines of "don't do the same thing expecting different results" ?

I had myself a 'nicely' burnt turkey melt sandwich and I put avocado on top! because, well, avocado makes everything better! yummmmm

 and it didn't even taste half bad! ...as long as I had a piece of Avocado in every bite

Jedi Mind Trick.

(My curiosity got the best of me)

Solace.

"Partner in crime"

I spend many nights of every week drafting my next adventure. When I close my eyes my fantasies come to life. I see myself hiking up mountains, sleeping under starry skies and crossing many creeks. Destination is unknown and barely any money is in my pockets. I long for my a penny-filled adventure. Eat what I can afford, find or am given and traveling place to place by bus, thumb and lots and lots of walking. Many will say that I am a fool for romanticizing such a trip, that I am not realistic and should get my head back into reality and out of the clouds. It's a good thing I don't listen to many people. I mean, I listen for suggestions and recognize their fears, but am not left feeling fearful or discouraged.

To prepare for my adventure (aside from researching) I have been cleansing my room of material belongings. Donating and selling clothes, books, Cd's and other miscellaneous objects. I don't need much for happiness and I look forward to having my life in a backpack for a few months. It is going to be a liberating experience. A challenging, fun filled, very liberating experience.

I'm currently applying for my adult passport as well and can't wait for it to arrive in a few weeks!

On my adventure I will keep an updated journal- handwritten, not typed. The laptop will stay at home and the e-mail and phone will be used/checked only to set-up new jobs and on the occasion to give a mass text of "Alive, well and happy in -blank-." I rather look forward to this as well.

My only bit of sadness resides in the fact that by leaving on my journey I am disappointing many people that had 'high hopes' for me. They wanted to see me start the next semester, work work work work and join the assembly line of brainwashed clones everywhere. I don't want to disappoint anyone. I will go back to school, but only once I have a better idea of what for. I have never been much of a student. Ever. From high school up to now I have struggled to get through another year. Not because I am stupid or particularly lazy, but because it doesn't appeal to me the way it does to other people. I'm not much for tradition...

Any who, we'll see what comes of this.

Proposed begin date of adventure: Mid January

Anticipation.

Who knew a seemingly run of the mill Starbucks date would end up in endless conversation and priceless pictures? I certainly didn't. Our cousinly date definitely proved to be far more entertaining than going to bed at 8pm because you were bored out of your mind and rather tired...

It's easy to know that you have a great friend in your cousin when you have nights likes this.

 Some things are better left unsaid...or are they?

Say tommorow
And she'll say, "Come find me on a beach
And there will be no moon"
But say today
And she will kiss your face
And maybe forget

 

don't forget the multi-colored sprinkles!

 

...life is meant to be colorful!

This past weekend I went car camping and then on an overnight backpacking trip. I spent both of my nights wide eyed and very much awake in my tent by myself. For the first time. It was a great experience. My friends were a few feet away in their own tent, and at times I felt like hollering out at them to get the reassurance of life nearby. But I resisted. I resisted for a few reasons. The first is that I wanted to accomplish being in my tent completely by myself. Nobody else. Just me. And the second is that I was too scared to make noise. Seriously. I was convinced throughout the night that if I made noise I would be attracting attention to myself and that would be the opposite of my goal, which was of blending in, and ultimately, staying alive. I succeeded in sleeping alone and having a great weekend in the mountains with my friends.

I love camping. I love being uncomfortable. I love the appreciation it gives me for life. I love feeling like I'm going to die but having a smile on my face because I couldn't be happier dying that way. I love a good challenge. I love testing myself.

Which brings me to my next recent endeavor. I took my bike out for a long night ride for the first time and was in love. I enjoyed the feeling of independence it gave me. I liked navigating the roads and paths and how my legs felt so heavy at times but how I also couldn't slow down because I was experiencing such a high. Seeing the stars twinkle, feeling the wind on my skin, smelling everything from the beach bonfires to exhaust and pollution, hearing the gulls screech and being apart of the elements of life. It creates awareness of issues you may otherwise be unaware of as you drive down a road with the windows up blasting Katy Perry. It creates an acute awareness for everything aspect of your ride- traffic, weather, road/path conditions, debris, etc.

Maybe not everyone can afford to spare as much time as I can to enjoy nature and the outdoors, but everyone should be able to take the time, at the very least, to go on a walk outside. To look at the sky and smell the air. If you live in Southern California, be sure to do this after a rain and some strong winds so you can see the mountains and past the hazy smog in the sky. It makes a HUGE difference.

til next time,

Christina

 It's the feeling of getting YOURSELF somewhere. Of pushing your body to the limits. Of communicating with strangers on whichever path you choose to use. Of creating energy and using energy. Activity. Outdoors. Everybody should have , at the very least, a friendly dose of both.

Last week at Disneyland I was walking to Space Mountain when I came across a child playing in the gutter. Yes, the gutter. All I could think of was...this is the HAPPIEST place on EARTH and you're playing IN THE GUTTER?!

...whatever floats your boat, kid.

definition.

Found you weeping in the snow

Hark the bells are ringing

I won't let you go...

It started as one of those days. I layed in bed. I didn't want to get up. So I layed there some more. Eventually I had to get up. So I did. So I went to the living room. I sat. I looked at the remote. I stared at the blank television. Then I stared outside at the grass and the light and our retarded dogs galloping about. I then looked at the remote again and flicked on the teli. My dreams then started to perculate, like they usually do. Today's show was called Alone In the Wilderness. You should be able to guess where I went from there...that's right. I want to live alone in the wilderness for a little while. Or at least I did. I think I would bring a friend, or friends. But definitely be in the heart of some wonderful forest fending for life right alongside the porcupines and centipedes.

After finishing that show I continued on to the next. It was about random animal facts and tests of human ability and did you know that at least 4% of greenhouse gasses are the result of Cows burping? Neither did I! And it's true. Anyways, I don't like tv that much so I turned it off and started researching bicycles again. Oh yeah, I've been researching bicycles. I'm tiring of my car. And I have too much time on my hands to be traveling that fast. And I need to be more fit. And I like riding bikes. So it's about time I have my own good bike to be best friends with. I went to three bike stores today and compared selections and prices and touched all the bikes I wanted. Even rode a few. I'm probably going to get a Trek 7.2 fx. And I don't like girl bikes. They're ugly. And unappealingly slow. And an old man that worked at one of the bike stores tried to push one of those girl bikes at me and I looked him in the eye and told him that I can perform. I'm not buying a bike to ride around the block, asshole.

Eventually I ended back home. I took a shower. Which leads me to the song by The Ting Tings. You may know it. It's called "That's Not My Name." I felt horrible for this girl, I always do, because people don't remember her name. Which makes me think...do people remember my name?! And the answer is yes. People remember my name to the point if someone calls me Christine and not Christina I am going to purposely forget their name. Do you know why? Because people remember my name and I don't need to put up with "Christine"...call me a bitch. Also, while I was taking my shower, specifically when I was undressing, it made me think of this morning again. I went hippy for the first three quarters of my day. No bra. And I was wearing a tank top. And I kept my greasy semi-tangled hair. It felt really good, let me tell you. Um, it felt really good... It made me miss summer even more. I could do shit like that everyday and nobody thought twice about it because that's who I was out there. I was Christina. I was messy curly hair and a smile. I was the same outfit for days at a time. And I was insanely happy.

I think people here at "home" can go to learn some tolerance and acceptance. If I did anything like what I did in Yellowstone my own family would turn on me. Do you know how I know? Because they did.

"That doesn't match"
"You wore that yesterday"
"Are you going out like that?"
"omg, you're hair" (not in a nice way)

My response starting today is "puh." I'm going to continue on my fitness trend. I'm going to do things the way I want. And eventually, I will be out of here again. Rural life was the way to go.

Peach out,

Christina

I'm officially in Yellowstone!

I had a great time on my drive up with Mario through Utah. We stayed a few nights in Zion National Park and then continued up through Wyoming and stayed in the Tetons for a while with some friends and then up through Yellowstone, where I am at now!

Yellowstone is pretty cool. There's a TON of people and a ton of things to do (as long as you stay creative). My roommate is awesome and the friends I've made here are pretty cool, too. The meals and job here though could use some improvement...

Other than that, I'm just trying to go outside and enjoy where I'm at often and enjoy my summer!

Last night & This morning...Chicago.

A week until I leave for Chicago, and then after that is done...a week until I leave for Wyoming! Things are happening crazy fast. It is a little overwhelming, but I feel like it's coming together better now. I just hope that everything turns out well and that I have the strength to just go with the flow throughout my entire journey this summer. Aggghhhhhh!

...and everything feels the same.

Best friend is gone and I still have a month to burn before I get to run run run faaaaaar away from here! I mean, I still have a lot of good things going for me right now but I'm getting antsy now. I just uhh, have to find some money and then pray for everything to fall into place. PLEASE things, fall in place!

...please?

I had decided to dabble in new territory and it was going fine and dandy until it didn't. Because I'm not stupid, I could feel what's up. I could sense the change. But that's perfectly fine because I'm falling back into my path of what I wanted to do...which was explore and have fun and learn and live and be happy and free. To be wild and untamed and to be continue following my path of being a good person.

Disappointment isn't a word I will employ, neither is sadness. I have grown as a person to be beyond those words. Simply intrigued in how the mind works.

Now I am excited and joyful and filled with wonderment for the future.

FUTURE YOU START IN 40 DAYS! I cannot wait.

LOVE,

Christina

Hmmm...interesting. Iceland, you're very interesting! But I will say, Iceland, you're a little over the top...

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/mar/25/iceland-most-feminist-country

Speaking of Elliott Smith....
L.A. by Elliott Smith is one of my favorite songs...but the only one! Except for Baby Britain...and maybe one or two others. Shhhh!

I feel like this right now. blah! Don't let me become the next Elliot Smith, he's waaaaaay too depressing.


Dagger by Slowdive

I've had an abundance of thoughts lately. Thoughts that are just beyond my words to describe to the point that I am ready to give up on thoughts. Thoughts run a muck through my brain and bring back memories I've fought hard not to relive.

I just got out of the shower and I realized that I am actually scared to reminisce. Scared! Who'd a thunk that?! I am now acknowledging that I am in fact scared to remember because I am scared to relive the emotions and the bad thoughts I was having during those past points in my life. It's silly, but it's my reality. But I find my strength in knowing that I am scared of that, because I don't let it ruin my life. I just tell myself happy thoughts and work with and move beyond it. Because really, I don't think it does anything to forget or repress thoughts and emotions. It's better to acknowledge, accept and grow and move forward.

Anyways. I was taking my shower and I realized that I remembered my dream from last night!

I was going on a hike with my friend through the woods, which happened to have lots and lots of bears. I happen to be scared of bears. So walking, we looked ahead and saw a group of elementary school students out on a school trip. So we followed them. While following them though, a group of bears came up! I had constantly told myself that bears wouldn't approach big groups of people and that I would be fine and BAM! bears! So I had to walk through a flock of bears. And I lived. But then I started thinking of my knowledge I had  about the difference between black bears and brown bears and their personalities. (Black bears are more dangerous). So continuing walking, I became a leader for the little kids somehow and they were getting scared with all of the bears so I had to be brave. Then all of a sudden a bear came running at one of the students I was watching after and I had to jump in front of the student and make a loud noise and make myself big to get the bear to run away. So the bear went running and was gone for awhile when one came running back and this time it bit me! But I pushed it off and we continued because I wasn't hurt. I was even bit again by a different bear! And I was fine! We continued walking and I had to walk by a bunch of bears over and over again. Then we were done. The moral of the story? Bears aren't that scary, and even if something did happen, I would probably live. And bears can be many things and not just bears...

the. end.

hey life,

quit throwing shit in my face. thanks! 'preciate it.

yours truly,

C.

Last night.

"You're not 21," she says handing me my CA I.D. back to me.
"I'm not?" I say back to  her
"no."

"oh, well you might want to take another look because I wasn't born in 2007. That would make me...three?"

I have never been so angered so quickly. Having someone tell me that I am not 21 when I AM 21 pissed me off. It was a new feeling. The rest of the night the server was on tip toes..."I'm so sorry."

...damn straight.

On a happier note: My Stawberry blonde beer was quite good. :)

This morning I woke up and just knew it was raining. The sun didn't feel bright and the air felt sleepy, so I opened my door and sure enough the pitter patter of rain met my ears.

My dog had to go out though!
Our options? Long walk or dog park.

Next thing you know, we are hopping into my car and doing a drive by the dog park to see if anyone is there. I glance in the parking lot. It's like a ghost town. We keep driving. As soon as I pass the entrance to the park the barking begins and the whine that breaks my heart sounded loudly throughout the vehicle. He was devastated. I turned around and we pulled into the dog park entrance. It was just the two of us.

Now what do I do? Well, I pretend to be a dog! I start chasing and twirling and running and throwing balls and being crazy while the rain is pouring down on us and I can barely see through my eyelashes and I'm sopping wet. I run and I run and I run. And then finally after thirty minutes of playing by ourselves, someone else shows up. Then they run and run and run. And we run and run and run. Slowly a few more people came, but none of them stayed long. They couldn't handle the mud and the rain and slipping and sliding.

An hour and a half later me and my little amigo were ready to leave. My jeans, sweatshirt and running shoes were caked in mud. My hair was frizzing out the sides of my pony tail, rain drops making streams down my face and yet I had a smile plastered from side to side. I really enjoy getting disgustingly dirty. I look down at my little buddy. He has dirt all over his face and caked into his feet and his underbody is so low to the ground all of his little chest hairs are completely covered too. He's a few shades darker then when we had arrived and his quick pant and tongue hanging out his mouth tells me that he had a great time.

We looked at each other, got in my car (dirt and all) and went home.

We had had a great morning. 

The Soft Pack

This is my favorite song that The Soft Pack sings from the show I saw last Saturday. If they sound a little tired and out of it, I don't blame them! It was their TENTH show in one day.

Enjoy!


Answer to Yourself by The Soft Pack

You gotta answer to yourself

You can't depend on anyone else
You gotta know where you stand
And what's in your hands
Yeah you gotta answer to yourself

You gotta write down what you know
You gotta make sure that it's known
Because they're coming along to see what you've done
And they're gonna claim it for their own

You got a rabbit in your hat
You got a few tricks up your sleeve
Don't get stuck in a rut
Or stuck in the same
You got exactly what you need

You got a talent don't you know?
You're more talented than you know
And you give it a shot
And give it the time
And be surprised how far it goes

But I think I'm gonna die
Before I see my time
But I think I'm gonna die
Try it anyway

You gotta answer to yourself
2 days a week outside yourself
You take an hour a day, an hour a day
And you don't respond to anyone else

You got a few things on your shelf
You got to look through for yourself
You gotta choose what to read
Choose what to believe
And you don't take it from anyone else

But I think I'm gonna die
Before I see my time
But I think I'm gonna die
Try it anyway

The past week has been the most eventful in a while. I began school as a full-time student again AND I had my 21st birthday.

Translation?

I have been trying to get back into the studious mode while also going out basically anywhere I want now. It's funny how much power one card with a birthday on it can have.

Yesterday I found out about a band, from my friend, called The Soft Pack. I now believe I have a new band in the running for my full attention. Their music is SO fun and danceable and the lyrics actually are kind of refreshing too, which is always nice. Anyways, yesterday this band had TEN shows to celebrate their record release and new record deal with subpop. Their cd comes out on Feb 2.

All throughout the day SP was playing house parties and record shops and the very last show (the one I got to go to) was in a warehouse in Los Angeles. It was a dream come true and made me remember how much I love live music and people watching and just being shoved into a crowded room and being surrounded by noise in general. I really enjoy it. But I have no idea how SP played shows all day while drinking beer and whatever else and still made it to the last one at midnight. That was impressive. If I started MY day at 10am with beer and donuts I'd be past sick by midnight.

OH! and when we got to the warehouse a guy asked me and my friend if we were 21 and for the first time I got to say YES and not be lying. AND he believed us. Such a good feeling.

rainy days are fun days

People treat people who wear vests better than people who do not wear vests. Or at least, that is what I have noticed while wearing my vest. Which makes it a lot more enjoyable wearing a vest. I mean, not only am I keeping my core warm, decorating my mid section, but I am treated better as well! Um, may I get a heck yeah?

To vest wearers!

C.

Everyday I can feel the inner beast being released. It's like I'm wearing a costume and everyday the zipper comes down a little bit more until finally, I step out and am a whole new person. Maybe not new, as much as released. But changed. Definitely changed.

Everyday, everyday, everyday.

down just a little bit everyday.

Today I was curious if the winter sun is stronger than the summer sun so I went and layed in the sun with a minimal amount of clothing on. At the end of my sun session I proved that yes, the winter sun is stronger and I have some wonderful tan lines to prove it :)

winter sun? I love you.

ok, so it's a picture of a moon through the branches of a tree...just listen to the song!


Hideaway by The Weepies

I love the entire song, but my favorite bits are in the last half of the song...

Some call me
All kinds of names
Some say I don't play the right kind of game
I try to be honest
I try to be kind
And honestly leave when I know that it's time
I know that it's time

Hear a phoebe sing his only song
The summer's day is hovering
I'll write my full heart
Troubles fly like embers
Out the windows of our traveling car

Even the stars
Sometimes fade to gray
Even the stars
Hideaway

Watching Oprah with my mom has become part of my typical day... again. When I am home, anyway. It makes me feel like I have gone back in time and am in high school again...

Anywho,
the show that I watched today was about marriage and sex and love in different countries: Denmark, Egypt, Ukraine and India. I learned that Denmark is more about equality and you don't have to get married and it's fine to live with a boyfriend forever. Egypt has a great divide between the conservative and liberals- to be veiled or not, to wait or not to wait. One thing that was very much divided though was that once you're married, a man can say he wants a divorce out loud and BAM he's divorced. A woman has to go through trial. Hmmm. Then in Ukraine girls want to get married and be taken care of by their husbands, and in India it's all the rage to have an arranged marrriage and learn how to love the other person during your married time. To say the least, I have found this all to be very interesting.

...where does the United States sit in all of this?

Dabbling with the unknown and trying the untried is what? my current mission. I want to try out different ways of life and prove to myself that there is definitely more than the typical Southern California conservative suburban way of life.

For the past months I have had many, MANY unsettling nights. I was constantly disturbed by myself. I was 20 years old and already felt myself being sucked into the expected ways of "life"- that's what everyone calls it. But really? I just see it being a formula. It's a formula and one that I want to steer clear of.

So, like you know, come summer I will be somewhere else and hopefully meet some cool people and see some cool places and learn to be content with myself more so than I am now. But until then, I would like to do some long weekend trips and wandering around by myself as well as with anyone who wants to wander around.

And, I've still been avoiding getting a job job, but I fear the end is near...

hasta luego,

Page

From June to August I will have a new home...with lots of...wilderness

CANNOT WAIT!

p.s.- thaiiiiiiiiiiiilannnnnnnnnnnnnd

my little cousins saw a picture of me dressed up and didn't believe it was me. And I was all...yo, jus becuz i b repin a t and a pair a dirty ass jeans when y'alls come round these parts don't mean that i can't get all dressed up for a night on the town. yuh b feelin' me?

and they were all...that's not you.

puh.

The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. because its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. stone crumbles. wood rots. people, well, they die. but things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on.

-Chuck Palahniuk

Happy New Year!