ok my stalkers, I don't think I will be attending CSULB this coming semester. I need to find myself and not get lost in school. I'm pretty sure I am going on monday to request a "leave" and then registering for some bogus classes somewhere else. Away from LB, but not too far, but far enough to be considered away. Maybe I'll wander somewhere for a month.

...point? probably not going to be at CSULB because I don't know what the hell I am doing. Well, besides falling apart, figuratively speaking.

okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk,
byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye my thoughts!

...for

...right

...now

*heart* -

C.P.

THUNDER THIGHS.

end thought.

I went to my favorite coffee shop today and watched some live music. One of the girls performing was selling cd's, but I didn't have any money, so she GAVE me a cd. Talk about amazing. Her music was sort of country/folk/I like it a lot. She's from Nasheville, if that explains anything (the country-ness).

Check out her myspace: (Anna Gilbert's Myspace).

u nO l!K3 w3N ii wRiiT3 LiiK3 dii$ ?

well get used to it. people. yes. get used to it. that/this is my future.

I have yet to pay for school- that's what happens when you have a dad that is marrying a mad woman (although nice ((at times)) and cool ((with certain things)), she sucks ((usually))). My life is going down a shit hole. Please, excuse my bad language. It is, though. I am losing my dad, I am uncertain if I get to go to school this semester as a result (he said he would pay for it and then "SHE" pulled the plug), my eyesight is poor and I feel overall very belligerent and well, mean.

Trying to keep my sanity consists of listening to music in unhealthy doses, writing non-sensical journal entries, and eating chocolate chip pancakes in the middle of the night with friends that don't know (maybe slightly aware) that I am amid a psychotic break.

Dosing in and of out sanity. That is what my life is. It's like sleep. I pinch myself. I do a mood evaluation. Am I feeling happy? sad? Stable? needing to be around people? retreating and being by myself? I don't like to admit it, but I have been crying a lot. I just feel overall, a lot of the time, very sad. A lot of people wouldn't get that,or guess that, but I have been. I have been very sad.

Fun Fact: I laugh the most when I am *hurting* on the inside. When I feel like I am going to cry, and am in public, I'll probably laugh. I will laugh a lot. It not only makes you uncomfortable, but me as well. And that's life.

Anywho,
Today I made my grandpa eat lunch with me. We ate at the Secret Spot. DELICIOUS. He payed for it too, and that pleased me. My grandpa has Alzheimer's though, and it makes me sad. He stares intently at the streets we go down and says "I've never been down this street before" when he has. I asked him while driving down another street why he was looking so hard and he told me "I want to remember it so I can tell 'ma where to go, so I can come back here" and that made me very sad. It's saddening to have a grandpa that can't remember stuff for too long.

Tonight I dragged my grandparents to the movies with me. We watched 500 Days of Summer. I loved it, and it made my life make sense a little bit more. I felt at ease I'm going to go watch it again. I am. My poor little grandma kept falling asleep, and I felt obligated to wake her up during the really good parts. I felt bad, but I thought it was necessary. My grandpa loved it.

I came home, my big sister was there, I went to the bathroom and soon there was a knock at the door. I had only been a second! I instantly yelled "I AM GOING NUMBER TWO!" and she left me alone. That's how it works in my home. It doesn't matter if you are or are not using the bathroom for number two, if you need space you either say THAT or turn on the vent. Your choice.

Hm, what else.
Work has been fun.
I want to work at a 24 hour diner and get the graveyard shift.
I look forward to playing with my grandma's cat, Boots. He is very nice and mean at the same time. I love it.
I don't know what I want in relationships, I realized that. Long story. Keep it short. I'm scared to make up my mind with anything. We'll delve into that later.

i Luv U, k33P !t k3WL pPL
<3 Christina

i do no enjoy when people see my sadness.
so look away,
please.

I am going on an adventure today.
wish me luck.

Trainspotting.

watch it.

I can't help it if I don't like to go to the bathroom in overly large bathrooms, I can't. I also can't help it if I am scared of the loopy earrings, and enjoy certain numbers over other ones and like to stand in certain places and stuff like that.

Today I was in Long Beach, again. My favorite place, ever. I watched Tribute Bands- amazing? yes. Last night I was in Long Beach too. Have you heard of the Noisettes? no? You may want to fix that.

http://www.myspace.com/noisettesuk

Any who, I'm still adjusting to my life without my best friend, but things are alright. I'm ok. I'm doing fine. Life is satisfactory. It's a little flustering when I don't have my friend to turn to when I want to talk for hours, and just sit in silence with, and stuff. I'm getting used to it though. I've turned to my music. Music, my savior? Possibly. Actually, yeah, it is.

I'll be back in LB again tonight to watch a movie.

Did I mention how much I love Long Beach? no?

<3 yuh,

Christina

I enjoy little things a lot, sometimes I feel like I am an old woman for some of the things that I look forward to. It's like I'm that little old lady at the nursing home that looks forward to the hour she sits in a chair and looks out the window.



But, no, really.

I look forward to reading this blog:
thingsweforget.blogspot.com

He designs little sticky notes and they are little ideas that get me thinking about what I believe in. The little ideas of life to help make your life easier, other people's lives more enjoyable and well...

I ENJOY IT. They are cool concepts. Easy.

so I am sharing it with you.

Stay Fabulous,

Christina

I will be a LUCHADOR! ...or whatever those fighting people are called that wear masks and aren't in the WWE. SMACK DOWNS are in my immediate future.

no, not really.

I actually decided for sure that I am going to work with kids that have mental and physical disabilities. My entire life I have been surrounded by other people with disabilities, I have my own disabilities and I really feel like I connect well with them. This summer I have been helping a family of autistic youngins and in the process have met many other autistic children as well as other kids with mental or physical setbacks. It's inspiring to meet them and to be able to hang out with them whenever I do. It makes me remember that you can REALLY accomplish anything with a good attitude, lots of hard work and dedication.

On another note.
You are what you date.
think about that one, ponder it, swallow the concept.
ok, lets move on.

I have officially moved into my mothers home. My furniture (bed, dresser and desk) have finally made their way over. My room is amazing for having only existed for a day. I am in love. Again. I love organizing new rooms. Have a room needing organization? Call me. I will help/do it pro bono. That means for free. I learned that from the move I Am Sam. Great movie. Highly recommend it.

On another other note. Stay away from Turkish folk. and a lot of other folk. I strongly dislike dudes that think they can boss around women. Especially when it's me. I don't enjoy being bossed around by dudes that think that it is their god given right to tell me what to do. F the F off.

ok, well, HEY! lets play the guessing game. We'll start with you. Try to guess what I am talking about. Wow, that's bossy. It's ok because it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeee <3 *heart*

Ok, well I will be
Playing in my room for a bit,

LOVE,
Christina

Scanning the aisles. It's 11:43pm and I am standing in the middle of the local grocery story trying to decide what I should buy. Do I need anything? Not particularly.

My thought process...
"what should I buy?"

• ...my legs are kind of ehhh right now, razor blades would be good
• who are you trying to impress?
• hmm, good point.
• nectarines?
• yeah, those are pretty good
• should you really be eating?
• good point. I was 136 again on the scale- but that was WITH clothes and a cell phone...and sunglasses.
• my nose has been burning, maybe face lotion? with an spf?
• LOOFAH! I love those. They kind of tickle.
• do you WANT to be washing your body in bacteria?
• ...they do tickle though
• ohh shampoo...the pomegranate scented one looks good AND smells good
• do I need mascara?
• BURRITO!
• is there a difference between organic and non-organic burritos?
  
• POPS! the pita chips!
• AND frosted covered mini wheats MMmmmMmmMm

Walking up to the register, I scanned the wall of sweets, went to grab a bag of peanut m&ms but at the last minute hit my hand with my other hand and said NO! The man asked me how my finds were, and I said..."fine".

I rubbed my eyes, looked at what I was wanting to buy, and then tried to enter my mother's phone number into the little machine so that I could receive my "rewards". The number was difficult to input. I felt like I was high. Everything seemed so interesting around me. The clerk guy said something and I looked at him. He reminded me of a guy from Family Guy. I remembered I was supposed to be putting in the number. It was like I put in a digit or two, cleared one, then put in another.

Finally my time at the check out was done. I grabbed my bags and walked to my car where I caught the remaining minutes of Love Line and willed my legs to push pedals and get me home.

At Vons I bought: 5 nectarines, a pack of razors, a loofah, frosted covered mini wheats, POPs!, 2 Burritos and Pomegranate Burts Bee Chapstick.

I also just remembered that today I am going to look for some earrings. Being that I got my ears pierced about seven or eight weeks ago I can now remove the ugly earrings and replace them with beautiful, dangly, loopy, different from the ugly diamondish studs I have in now.

I just figured out how to take them off the other day. I was a tad bit scared of ripping them out of my fragile lobe, but with a little TLC I managed just fine.

My ears are going to be like a Christmas tree soon, adorned with so many fine and beautiful artifacts. If you see me, please, make a note about my ornamented ears. I will love you all the more.

Out Again, for realz this time,
Christina

I have just about emptied my room at my dad's and transferred my prized possessions to my new room at my mother's house.

Over the course of my stay at my father's house his dear fiance had given me many articles of clothing and now, after I have packed them and moved them to my other place of residence, she is sending my dad down the stairs and into my room and asking for them back. The word that comes to mind? Indian Giver. But that's alright, I can deal. I have dealt with all this crazy shit my entire life.

Anyways, other than that annoying nuisance,
this morning I woke up and realized that I didn't have any clothes to wear because I moved all the stuff that I normally wear to my mom's house. So now I am in running clothes for the fourth straight day in a row. Do I mind? Not really.Do I wish I had a choice in my apparel though? Yeah, sort of.

I am off to move the shiz to my mom's, have breakfast, go on a lunch shindig, eat dinner with amigos and enjoy myself. If anyone wants to join in on a bottle of something, please, let me know. I would enjoy an escape right about now.

I would also REALLY enjoy my best friend being back home. Which she isn't. If anyone could make that happen, on good terms, please, let me know.

Yours Truly,
Christina

Life is life.

It is a fact that some people's lives are more strenuous or difficult than others, but if you grew up with it than wouldn't it become easier? I find it annoying when people complain about their lives being too hard or busy when, well, you can change it.

You can simplify, cut back and live a little less cutting edge.

Stop complaining abut the life that YOU CREATED. If it is so hard, find a way to change it up. It's possible. Do it. ESPECIALLY if you live in California. There are SO many resources available if you choose to look for them. But if you're the one choosing your lifestyle that is creating so much pain, stress and hardship...don't come to me to whine to. I am not interested.
thanks. <3

frick people.

On another note.
Me and my cousin have begun our weekly wednesday date night. We go the local budget theater where we have $10 date night- 2 movie tickets, 2 popcorns and 2 sodas! It gives us our time to relax and enjoy a movie and each others company, chit chat about whatever is on our minds and let loose.

So far on our date nights we have watched I Love You, Man and Drag Me To Hell. I enjoyed both. One for its comical edge and perspective on life, and the other for its cheesy horror edge and wonderful one liners that I can quote for days.

Other than that.

• I am taking up running again. I will buy my running shoes tonight at my sister's work and then proceed to find activities in which I will use these said shoes.
• I am almost moved back into my mother's place of residence where I will hopefully thrive until it comes time to move into an apartment in Long Beach- my preferred future place of residence.
  
• I have been enjoying the act of eating cheese...and ham and cheese croissants.
  
• work has consumed my life. I've been working with a family almost everyday from 9 to 5. Talk about busy! I get off, hang out somewhere/with someone and then go home and sleep.

In the future.
I want to go on an adventure.
It's been rather difficult to do anything without my best friend Chelsey. She is unfortunately out of the state for three months, so I will have to busy myself somehow until then. I think that I have been doing pretty well so far, but once the school year begins I will miss her company even more. We used to have breakfasts and coffees and after school BRCs and all sorts of other novelties together. that revolved around school. That, and she was supposed to take half my classes. KIDDING! ...or so she thought.

My human spirit is kind of like this. You have to think out of the box about it though, obviously. If you have any questions about that I would be more than happy to clarify.


Today my best friend is leaving for three months.
Today I have to ask my mom if I can move into her house
Today I will figure out loans so I can move into an apartment and pay for school.
Today I will get a job job so I can be an "adult" and work a lot of hours
Today I quadruple booked my day= oops!

Today is the beginning of ...the rest of my life? eh, not yet. I'll have one soon though. I promise. I will also delve into the story of me having to start a new life soon too. We can sum it up with one phrase/word/sound= GAAAAHHHHHHHH!

idk, my bff Jill?!
Love yoooouuu,
Christina

I finally tried it.

I forgot to mention earlier

"HAPPY FOURTH of JULY!"

...and remember kids, practice safety when lighting them firecrackers. We don't want no one losing any of them digits or limbs---although it would provide a good story or two for the rest of your life and maybe give you a profession (fire safety speech giver).

ALSO, if you're going to be drinking, and many of you will be, DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE!

Also also, I am sending you my love.

I'll be the one in the bedazzled outfit (probably)

Lots of LOVE,
Christina

your best friend or your worst nightmare